Confidential: Gretna Humans Under Observation
by Kevin C. Wells
[Originally published in the Fall 2026 issue of Mount Gretna Magazine. View the complete issue to experience this story in its original design, along with additional photographs and content.]
Editor’s Note: The following field notes were recovered from several well-chewed notebooks discovered beneath porches, beside walking paths, and suspiciously close to several tennis balls. The authors insist their observations are scientifically accurate.
Meet the Field Researchers
Josephine, companion to Ted Martin of Campmeeting.
A recently adopted rescue dog who is blind, Josephine relies on her ears and nose rather than her eyes. She has become the coalition’s wisest observer.
Livie, rescue dog and companion to Kevin C. Wells of Campmeeting.
Despite having only three legs, Livie runs, jumps, plays, and investigates every squirrel, butterfly, rabbit, fellow canine, and friendly face she encounters. She considers every walk an expedition and every stranger a potential friend.
Winston, therapy dog and companion to Kevin C. Wells of Campmeeting.
Winston is gentle, calm, and convinced that humans are generally doing their best.
Malika and Padme, service dogs to Brian and Sharon Stalker of Timber Road.
Household supervisors and expert greeters, these dogs are firm believers that every returning human deserves an enthusiastic welcome.
Observation #1:
Two Distinct Human Habitats
Josephine: Our first discovery is that Mount Gretna humans occupy some surprisingly different habitats.
Padme: Describe yours.
Winston: Picture a forest.
Livie: Now tuck cozy cottages between the trees.
Josephine: Place them close enough that one porch conversation can drift to the next.
Livie: Then add neighbors walking everywhere.
Padme: Interesting.
Malika: Our humans have driveways, yards, and mailboxes.
Livie: You have your own mailbox?
Josephine: Different habitats.
Winston: Same wonderfully curious species.
Observation #7:
The Princeton Avenue Expedition
Livie: My dad always says, “Let’s go get the mail.”
Padme: My dad simply walks to the mailbox.
Livie: We walk all the way to Princeton Avenue.
Josephine: How long does the journey require?
Livie: That depends.
Winston: On how many neighbors we meet.
Livie: Yesterday we returned with two envelopes, one magazine, and conversations with six people.
Josephine: Remarkable.
Padme: Perhaps the mail isn’t the real objective.
Winston: Our research supports that conclusion.
Observation #12:
Porch Sociology
Josephine: Each evening, Gretna humans gather on elevated wooden platforms called porches.
Malika: Refreshments are frequently involved. Even for us! Have you ever been to Tom & Kay’s porch? Or Joe & Alexa’s?
Padme: So are stories.
Livie: Sometimes they laugh before anyone has even finished talking.
Winston: No invitations appear necessary.
Josephine: Our findings suggest porches are where neighbors become friends and friends become family.
Observation #18:
Return-Home Ceremonies
Padme: When Mom returns from knitting, proper procedure requires immediate greeting.
Malika: Tail wagging is mandatory.
Livie: Even if she’s only been gone an hour?
Padme: Especially then.
Winston: Humans seem comforted by knowing someone is delighted they’ve returned.
Josephine: A tradition worthy of preservation.
Observation #24:
Walking as a Social Activity
Livie: Humans never seem to walk in a straight line.
Josephine: Explain.
Livie: Someone waves.
Winston: Someone asks about a family member.
Padme: Someone admires flowers.
Malika: Someone bends down to pet a dog.
Livie: Sometimes they forget where they were headed.
Josephine: In Gretna, the journey appears to be more important than the destination.
Observation #31:
The Mystery of Kindness
A thoughtful silence settles over the committee.
Livie: Can I ask something serious?
Josephine: Always.
Livie: Why do humans rescue us?
Josephine: Dad welcomed me home even though I cannot see.
Livie: Kind people helped me heal. They couldn’t save my leg, but they saved me.
Padme: Mom and Dad have spent years preparing dogs to help people.
Malika: They celebrate every puppy who changes a life.
Winston: As a therapy dog, I’ve learned something.
Josephine: What is that?
Winston: Humans think they’re teaching us.
Livie: Aren’t they?
Winston: Sometimes.
Josephine: And sometimes we’re quietly teaching them.
Conclusion
Josephine: After months of observation, we have documented porch gatherings, walks beneath the trees, concerts floating through the atmosphere, mail expeditions, neighborhood greetings, and unusually high levels of friendliness.
Livie: Don’t forget ice cream.
Padme: Or welcoming humans home.
Malika: Or warming their feet whenever possible.
Winston: We’ve reached one conclusion.
Josephine: Gretna humans believe they’re just going about their daily lives.
Livie: But they’re really doing something much bigger.
Winston: They’re building a community.
Josephine: One porch conversation …
Padme: One walk …
Malika: One kind gesture …
Livie: … and one wagging tail at a time.
The meeting adjourned moments later when Livie reported an urgent squirrel-related development.
Kevin C. Wells is a Mount Gretna resident whose work blends writing, education, and community service. He holds a Master of Science in organizational leadership, works in education administration, serves on the Mount Gretna Campmeeting Association Board of Managers, and supports local governance through the Derry Township Board of Supervisors. When he’s not writing, he’s often walking Winston and Livie through the Campmeeting, where many of this article’s “field observations” were undoubtedly collected.
